I’ve taught Special Education for 9 years now, focusing almost entirely on working with students with emotional and behavioral disorders (EBDs.) Generally- and very simply- speaking, an emotional/behavioral disorder is a chronic pattern of inappropriate feelings or actions under normal circumstances. For the sake of this post, I’m going to focus on EBDs that manifest through aggressive behaviors.
Emotional and Behavioral disorders don’t gain a lot of attention. These students somehow fall under the umbrella of Special Education, yet just right out of it’s reach. This population presents a unique need, and there isn’t a lot of sympathy, or even empathy in the world of EBDs. The days are often long, sometimes unsettling, and, honestly, not often rewarding. And when I first began, it seemed like everyone else confidently knew the answer or was sure they had the “fix”- everyone seemed to have an opinion. And among the many things I’ve heard in my role as a Special Ed teacher, from advice to criticism, there’s one phrase that makes me want to pull my hair out:
“It’s the parents’ fault.”
The parents’ fault. The people who don’t have a choice but to endure and try to understand and “fix” disabilities that only seem to manifest themselves through dramatic mood swings, irrationality, and sometimes violence. The parent. The mothers. The fathers. The people who are people trying to figure out what’s best for their children, just like the rest of us are. I once went to a conference, and the speaker there mentioned that parents of kids with emotional and behavioral disorders may be experiencing the most insidious kind of domestic violence: the only kind of domestic violence where we routinely blame the victims.
When I start discussing what I do with friends, I am often asked if I think it’s bad parenting or the parent’s fault, or even if these kids learned the behavior from their parents. In the beginning of my career, I had no idea how to answer whether parents were the chicken or the egg when it came to their child’s behavior. Are the kids this way because of or in spite of the parents? I think there’s a huge assumption that violent kids must experience violence at home. I’m not entirely sure what the research says on that, but what I do know is that there are kids that do witness violence in their home, and don’t engage in aggressive behaviors. Emotional and Behavioral disorders are organically occurring. I’m guessing there might be some environmental factors that exacerbate aggressive behaviors- as there are with non-aggressive traits- but I’m still maintaining that, no, it’s not the parents’ fault.
More at: http://indianapolis.citymomsblog.com/school/emotional-and-behavioral-disorders-youre-not-alone-mom/